we're waking up before falling asleep. staring out at nothingness through a starbucks window, which incidentally, is also a wall; letting my fingertips do the talking, thinking, and maybe this is a bad idea. we'll see. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." between me and blue skies I see black clouds and i'm hoping that isn't a sign of things to come or if it is, hoping i'll see it in the glass half full sense. who cares about grammar (!), although i'm still conscious of spelling and i've always been one to pretend to take things as they come but secretly planning one step ahead and still messing it all up in the end and i guess that's reason for the pretentious charade. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." i'm always one iceberg off being a dreamboat. remembering when she asked me if it was "iceberg" or "iceburg"? that ship's sailed, mine's sunk. I've always been water in her lungs, she never needed me and it's okay. she said i'm forgetting who i am but joke's on her because i don't think i've ever known. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." ominous and gloomy, weather's still nice and i enjoy it. can't wait to take photos when it inevitably gets beautiful again in chino hills. for now though, let's dance in the midst of these storms; wind and rain and thunder and you in your favorite dress, and me in my sunday best and sometimes love ain't nothin' but a number. or something like that.
everyone loves to hear songs about tragedy
March 23, 2009
your middle name is danger
March 11, 2009
project manager
and what. so i walk into this pomona business office thinking i'm interviewing for a receptionist position at a prom gown distributer, and end up being a project manager for an internet company instead. kind of crazy and what i've been fervently praying for (a job, i mean). i don't know if i like it very much, but i pretty much NEED the money. and by the way, the other side of the office does sell prom gowns, as well as other formal evening gowns, and cocktail dresses. And they are gorgeous, i must say.
March 9, 2009
March 3, 2009
hakuna matata
February 26, 2009
catsinsinks.com
and everyone and their moms are on facebook. quite literally. friend requests and comments from tita mabel, tita liza, tita beth nadua, tita bambi(rach's mom), as well as from my actual aunts, and it's kind of bizarre, but not in a bad way. apparently, i've had the urge to blog lately; don't know why, but hey, who needs a reason.
current music: "marching bands of manhattan" by death cab for cutie
February 22, 2009
new puppy
so bess got me a little fishy for my birthday. haven't really named him, but keep telling everyone who asks it's named after them. his name will most likely be eunice, but the names voldy volds, johnny knoxville, albus dumbledore, abby antonio, kipper jr. (r.i.p.), dwight, or neil patrick harris haven't been ruled out as of yet. i've never really had my own fish to take care of, and i hope i can be responsible enough to keep him alive and kicking(or swimming, rather), especially since it was a gift from bess and you all know how sentimental i can be. and it might be crossing the line if i decide to keep it posthumously(i mean the fish posthumously, not me.) we'll have to wait and see i guess. anyway, it's beautiful.
current music: "welcome, ghosts" by explosions in the sky
February 18, 2009
you never stop 'til you get caught
Magnified glasses, and this boy is entirely much too close to his computer screen. Watching regulars from my store walk in and out of THIS Starbucks, and maybe we're all creatures of habit and maybe sometimes it doesn't matter where. I am one example. I've no real ideas or profound thoughts to jot down, just, nothing. Finally finished downloading all the La Blogotheque "Les Concerts A Emporter" to the iPod. (klepto) There's a cover of Coldplay's "Yellow" playing above me; it's soothing. & God, I wish Rachel were here. I also really really really miss Steph. Like lots.
February 1, 2009
birthday wishlist
January 21, 2009
January 19, 2009
January 13, 2009
thugs, yo
December 14, 2008
December 8, 2008
October 2, 2008
and there is comfort in the sound
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore, or what the hell you're doing with your life? I mean, its a feeling that makes you look at the present-tense and future aspects of the way you're living by analyzing decisions you've made past-tense and I don't know, it's just been a rough day I guess. And sometimes there's that one person at the end of the day who you want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for, and you truly thank God that you're the person that they want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for too. Especially when they've experienced a day equally as hellish or confusing or impossible. Then ironically, the realization suddenly hits; every and any thing is possible.
<3. 5-min sidekick blog. Hope it makes some kind of sense.
September 18, 2008
September 14, 2008
blog by dia
It doesn't pertain to me, but I thought it was clever and different and obscure. This is Dia's recent blog entry:
Have you guys ever heard of a "song-blog?" Me either. But I guess I am inventing that today. I know this may be "Unprofessional" and what not, and that it is definitely not recorded in a professional studio, but I wrote it because I wanted to, and that I had to vent a little, I suppose you could put it that way. I recorded it on my computer, no microphones, nothing. On our slightly out of key baby grand piano in my "very reverb friendly" living room. Sang through it one time, despite my harmonies, so I apologize again for some out of key weird ones! I am not very good at piano, so I apologize. This song is not meant to be taken seriously, in some respects. Meaning, that if you write me and say the quality sounds like crap, I will say, "yeah...so?" If you write me and say it is crap, I will find out where you live. It is just a little journal entry...that I turned into a song. It won't be up for long, but I thought, I would share with anyone who has time...because after all, maybe some of you feel the same way I do right now, and it will make me at least feel better, that I am not alone on this. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the tune, and I hope it makes you brighten up, if you feel like I do, and then In return, I promise I will too. Take care, Dia
Lyrics for the curious,...or journal entry or...whatever: How did I get here? And why the hell did it take this long? I've buried a best friend inside my trash can you left outdoors.... And you dropped me in the mailbox, my face paint still left on. And you accused I never loved you; I could say nothing to change your mind. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. My smile has become empty/lazy. Heard you've been looking for me. Come on kid you know where I would go.... See lately, lately, lastly I would love for you to ask me, where the line between my pen and mind's at war. I tell MOST the truth you know.
My voice is a hatchet. It's forgotten how to whisper soft. My mind is a bucket, and it captures the rain sinking through the ceiling, landing on the rooftops. You told me you were filled up with love... I said, "You've lost it." You've said a mess of errors, you know not what it costs yet. But I know, i know i know. They say I've lost it all. I watched them burn all the pictures of good pain on the beaches. And oh, if this is rock bottom....! Then I say, "God damn! The view from here is breath taking...."
P.s. Of course this is not going on the new record. I wrote it today....
p.p.s. sorry about the different vocal levels. I had to turn my head from the computer so it wouldn't red line and sound REAL weird...and blury, but in return it sounds quiet and loud and quiet and loud. sorry! I ate way to much egg nog ice cream today and it rained so I could not go outside for a bit. But it smelled so good after.
September 13, 2008
why she is not allowed to sleep over anymore. haha.
September 9, 2008
the battle between heart and mind and you
My primary objective now is to get things back to normal with her(you). Not just pretend or act or profess like things are back to how they were, but to actually and literally do it. THOSE days were the best because there were no attempts to impress(which I probably didn't), and just plain, dorky, unadulterated fun. Days riddled with random laughter, impersonations, venting, prayer, and encouragement. I was already buying you food, but that was just so that you could eat. Haha. And I didn't(and still don't) mind. But if there's one thing I want you to understand about me and my feelings that have grown for you in the past month: Everything I've said, that I've done for you was done with the utmost sincerity and genuineness. Please please please try to understand what goes on inside this obscure head/heart of mine. There are real, true feelings involved. Not anything shallow or superficial. I've come to realize that you aren't just another girl, but someone amazingly unique and incredible; someone I never tire having conversations with or smiling with. This is all new to me; the feelings. Every circumstance is so different regarding who I am maturing to be as well as the one-dimensional things I used to chase after. So I guess there's a battle between two parts of me: there's that part of me that just wants to go back in time to when we were comfortable, but there is this other part, an overwhelming part that just can't give up pursuing you and praying for you and wondering why we can't be comfortable either way. This is day one of the "getting over her" process.
And actually, now that I think about it, we'd make great friends. Hope you have an awesome and blessed day. :)
September 3, 2008
perspective & 8 pages of beautiful writing
My insides, my guts, hurt. And there's this weird feeling in my chest, but not like some O.A. "oh my heart" type of way; like butterflies in there instead of my stomach. I don't even want to describe my eyes. There just isn't a proper adjective. Somewhere along the lines of or synonymous with devastated. But nicer sounding(?) Funny how I've always tactfully chosen never to say words like heart, or love, I guess because I felt they were too strong of words. As well as incredibly cliche. Not that I've never felt like using such words, mind you. This is fragmented. Broken. Like each finger has a mind of it's own. And each mind, chaotic.
Yet, what I've learned tonight at Bible study stays in my head as well as more importantly my heart, and I can't help but feel comforted. I thought I'd be compelled to listen to some fairly heart-wrenching, bask-in-your-sadness whine-laden song, but there's this unspeakable impulse; a kind of urge telling me: Play Chris Tomlin's "Arriving" album. With its first track of course, being "Indescribable." God is so powerful, so good, and yet, He loves ME enough personally that there is no pain, there is no worry, there is no anything that He can't and won't help me get through. There aren't any words I could say or services I could offer to thank Him for His unfailing love and faithfulness.
But God, am I trying. I know in my heart You deserve an infinite amount of what I could even worthily give. And still, what is that.
August 12, 2008
take the time to realize
So everybody and their momma is singing that Colbie Caillat song lately, but with every voice intended for somebody else. Okay, I hope not everyones mother, but you know what I mean. Haha. Well, maybe single mothers? Ahh I'll shut up about that now.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll always be "the boy who just isn't enough" to "the girl who thinks she knows exactly what she wants". I feel my heart may be cruisin' for a bruisin' but for some reason, I think it might be worth the fight. And honestly, that's a first. But the fact that I even have a real new interest is a first. Real, as in someone whose qualities I should've been pursuing in the first place as opposed to some random, shallow little crush or whatever, you know? Anyway, here's me wishin' on meteor showers (at 12am tomorrow) that it won't conclude with any form of hurt to or by either party. You deserve more. And I'll genuinely try to treat you how you should be treated if you'll let me. Maybe its too soon for a blog like this, but these are feelings that have been aching to come out; and besides, you all know that timing's never been my forte.
Overall though, throughout any trials and any testings, Gods been blessing me with this sense of overwhelming happiness, joy; and I can't help but smile and give Him praise. Oh, and I finally finished Ecclesiastes this afternoon. Awesome awesome awesome book. Now it's time to apply what I've learned, and I'm sure that it'll rip me (my perspectives, my heart) apart, while at the same time really strengthen my walk with God and place my primary objectives and trust in Him. At least that's the prayer. :)
My iPod's on shuffle and Death Cab's "I will follow you into the dark" just came on; though some people find it somewhat morbid, I think it is one of the most romantic and meaningful songs I've ever heard. But maybe that's just me.