swimming in wishing wells, and they make padded rooms for white jacket thoughts such as these. things to never give me in the middle of a crowded night with crowded ideas and tired eyes: energy drinks or loaded guns or loaded tongues or internet access and a keyboard. it all kills me one way or another. and funny, we are all still trying to come to life. resurrection, but not -- because it isn't defined that way if we've never lived in the first place. so just... surrection? And these blogs are just love/hate letters, sometimes to ourselves. leaning a little towards the latter lately because I don't know what's wise or what isn't and maybe that's because its about full trust in Him. learning, living. i know this entry sounds dark at times, ominous even, but it's the opposite. i've got a glowing face, and not just because i've got a laptop in front of me in a pitch black room. it's something indescribable and intangible and i'll leave it at that. why do people read this blog when i make it a point to make it decipherable to only me.
my computer still has that new computer smell
i hate when you're typing and there's a red line under "misspelled" words
is there anyone who didn't go to the st. vincent show tonight at the el rey? or am i the only one argh jealous
tattoo ideas: gryffindor crest, all you need is love, polar bear, jellyfish, astronaut, mustache finger, aj's forbidden "friut" drawing, hendrix is for lovers, that chinese good luck cat, sleeping beauty castle, africa, "good nite" knuckles, bomb, i <3 mom, i appreciate brand new, various quotes from the office, butterfly--lower back, abigayle ancheta
June 2, 2009
cuckoo for cocoa puff
June 1, 2009
make love (story) and a 4-chord medley in this club
club love video re-make, and we pay homage to the 4-chord tribute made by jasmine rafael, cathy nguyen, marc zapanta, aj rafael, randolph permejo, & rb all in one take, 'cuz we is dope like dat. & my countless hours of guitar hero have obviously paid off, so booyah to you naysayers
happy 18th birthday faye, we love you
May 26, 2009
final season
and i had a habit of dying
i think she gave me something to live for
i guess i helped her pass the time
i never saw her leaving me once
and she never felt me beside her
just like lauren conrad, i'm dunzo
myspace needs less tom, more beards
"Am i in pain? Hell, yeah. but I'll tell you something, I thrive in pain. I love pain. To me, pain is not pain at all. No... It is pure pleasure. And I hate pleasure... almost as much as I love pain. So yeah, I'm in pain." - Dwight Schrute.
May 25, 2009
dumpster diving and name dropping
"we got older, but we're still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up." ten years and best friends means i pulled the trigger. this is me finally giving up trying to fight for us and this friendship, and you quite possibly attempting to finally start? either way, it doesn't matter because you are the best at replacing people. we've made unforgettable memories, and i won't take that for granted. separate ways, separate interests, separate lives. and is this truly moving on, letting go, letting God? of course, a certain amount of prayer is still going into this, as well as my full trust in Him. also, katrina tuason and jeremie anne quilala are my heroes. sometimes its like forget everyone else, but then again, i'm incredibly picky. finding out rach was in socal this weekend through twitter didn't make me feel any better about how my relationships with people are. to add on to that, my own sister didn't want to ride with me to pick up food. everything kind of hurts right now.
lighter notes; man, it's awkward sharing tables with strangers at starbucks. i tripped over his cord and unplugged his laptop which made it all the more awkward. haha. wth, they are playing cold war kids here? nice. and there's an indie chick painting her fingernails blue out the window. just downloaded the best of lionel richie and can't wait to put "all night long" on repeat. this entry is bipolar. i'm not. the entry is.
i think i'm dying/dead inside
and it's weird, but in the shower, you can't tell if you're crying or not
ps. btw, if you're confused, some of this was written earlier, and some written later
April 24, 2009
i missed coachella again
but still can't stop listening to jenny lewis' "acid tongue."
and where the hell does the period go. before or after the quotation?
March 23, 2009
your middle name is danger
we're waking up before falling asleep. staring out at nothingness through a starbucks window, which incidentally, is also a wall; letting my fingertips do the talking, thinking, and maybe this is a bad idea. we'll see. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." between me and blue skies I see black clouds and i'm hoping that isn't a sign of things to come or if it is, hoping i'll see it in the glass half full sense. who cares about grammar (!), although i'm still conscious of spelling and i've always been one to pretend to take things as they come but secretly planning one step ahead and still messing it all up in the end and i guess that's reason for the pretentious charade. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." i'm always one iceberg off being a dreamboat. remembering when she asked me if it was "iceberg" or "iceburg"? that ship's sailed, mine's sunk. I've always been water in her lungs, she never needed me and it's okay. she said i'm forgetting who i am but joke's on her because i don't think i've ever known. "no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy." ominous and gloomy, weather's still nice and i enjoy it. can't wait to take photos when it inevitably gets beautiful again in chino hills. for now though, let's dance in the midst of these storms; wind and rain and thunder and you in your favorite dress, and me in my sunday best and sometimes love ain't nothin' but a number. or something like that.
everyone loves to hear songs about tragedy
March 11, 2009
project manager
and what. so i walk into this pomona business office thinking i'm interviewing for a receptionist position at a prom gown distributer, and end up being a project manager for an internet company instead. kind of crazy and what i've been fervently praying for (a job, i mean). i don't know if i like it very much, but i pretty much NEED the money. and by the way, the other side of the office does sell prom gowns, as well as other formal evening gowns, and cocktail dresses. And they are gorgeous, i must say.
March 9, 2009
March 3, 2009
hakuna matata
February 26, 2009
catsinsinks.com
and everyone and their moms are on facebook. quite literally. friend requests and comments from tita mabel, tita liza, tita beth nadua, tita bambi(rach's mom), as well as from my actual aunts, and it's kind of bizarre, but not in a bad way. apparently, i've had the urge to blog lately; don't know why, but hey, who needs a reason.
current music: "marching bands of manhattan" by death cab for cutie
February 22, 2009
new puppy
so bess got me a little fishy for my birthday. haven't really named him, but keep telling everyone who asks it's named after them. his name will most likely be eunice, but the names voldy volds, johnny knoxville, albus dumbledore, abby antonio, kipper jr. (r.i.p.), dwight, or neil patrick harris haven't been ruled out as of yet. i've never really had my own fish to take care of, and i hope i can be responsible enough to keep him alive and kicking(or swimming, rather), especially since it was a gift from bess and you all know how sentimental i can be. and it might be crossing the line if i decide to keep it posthumously(i mean the fish posthumously, not me.) we'll have to wait and see i guess. anyway, it's beautiful.
current music: "welcome, ghosts" by explosions in the sky
February 18, 2009
you never stop 'til you get caught
Magnified glasses, and this boy is entirely much too close to his computer screen. Watching regulars from my store walk in and out of THIS Starbucks, and maybe we're all creatures of habit and maybe sometimes it doesn't matter where. I am one example. I've no real ideas or profound thoughts to jot down, just, nothing. Finally finished downloading all the La Blogotheque "Les Concerts A Emporter" to the iPod. (klepto) There's a cover of Coldplay's "Yellow" playing above me; it's soothing. & God, I wish Rachel were here. I also really really really miss Steph. Like lots.
February 1, 2009
birthday wishlist
January 21, 2009
January 19, 2009
January 13, 2009
thugs, yo
December 14, 2008
December 8, 2008
October 2, 2008
and there is comfort in the sound
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore, or what the hell you're doing with your life? I mean, its a feeling that makes you look at the present-tense and future aspects of the way you're living by analyzing decisions you've made past-tense and I don't know, it's just been a rough day I guess. And sometimes there's that one person at the end of the day who you want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for, and you truly thank God that you're the person that they want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for too. Especially when they've experienced a day equally as hellish or confusing or impossible. Then ironically, the realization suddenly hits; every and any thing is possible.
<3. 5-min sidekick blog. Hope it makes some kind of sense.