venice beach, ca

bianca gochuico

i could hug her forever.

thugs, yo

always the finest

interviews with elves

Click here to see what Christmas looks like.

and there is comfort in the sound

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore, or what the hell you're doing with your life? I mean, its a feeling that makes you look at the present-tense and future aspects of the way you're living by analyzing decisions you've made past-tense and I don't know, it's just been a rough day I guess. And sometimes there's that one person at the end of the day who you want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for, and you truly thank God that you're the person that they want to see or be with or talk to or pray with/for too. Especially when they've experienced a day equally as hellish or confusing or impossible. Then ironically, the realization suddenly hits; every and any thing is possible.

<3. 5-min sidekick blog. Hope it makes some kind of sense.

aye chihuahua

blog by dia

It doesn't pertain to me, but I thought it was clever and different and obscure. This is Dia's recent blog entry:

Have you guys ever heard of a "song-blog?" Me either. But I guess I am inventing that today. I know this may be "Unprofessional" and what not, and that it is definitely not recorded in a professional studio, but I wrote it because I wanted to, and that I had to vent a little, I suppose you could put it that way. I recorded it on my computer, no microphones, nothing. On our slightly out of key baby grand piano in my "very reverb friendly" living room. Sang through it one time, despite my harmonies, so I apologize again for some out of key weird ones! I am not very good at piano, so I apologize. This song is not meant to be taken seriously, in some respects. Meaning, that if you write me and say the quality sounds like crap, I will say, "yeah...so?" If you write me and say it is crap, I will find out where you live. It is just a little journal entry...that I turned into a song. It won't be up for long, but I thought, I would share with anyone who has time...because after all, maybe some of you feel the same way I do right now, and it will make me at least feel better, that I am not alone on this. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the tune, and I hope it makes you brighten up, if you feel like I do, and then In return, I promise I will too. Take care, Dia

Lyrics for the curious,...or journal entry or...whatever: How did I get here? And why the hell did it take this long? I've buried a best friend inside my trash can you left outdoors.... And you dropped me in the mailbox, my face paint still left on. And you accused I never loved you; I could say nothing to change your mind. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. My smile has become empty/lazy. Heard you've been looking for me. Come on kid you know where I would go.... See lately, lately, lastly I would love for you to ask me, where the line between my pen and mind's at war. I tell MOST the truth you know.

My voice is a hatchet. It's forgotten how to whisper soft. My mind is a bucket, and it captures the rain sinking through the ceiling, landing on the rooftops. You told me you were filled up with love... I said, "You've lost it." You've said a mess of errors, you know not what it costs yet. But I know, i know i know. They say I've lost it all. I watched them burn all the pictures of good pain on the beaches. And oh, if this is rock bottom....! Then I say, "God damn! The view from here is breath taking...."

P.s. Of course this is not going on the new record. I wrote it today....
p.p.s. sorry about the different vocal levels. I had to turn my head from the computer so it wouldn't red line and sound REAL weird...and blury, but in return it sounds quiet and loud and quiet and loud. sorry! I ate way to much egg nog ice cream today and it rained so I could not go outside for a bit. But it smelled so good after.

the weirdest ones: locked in the vault

why she is not allowed to sleep over anymore. haha.

the battle between heart and mind and you

My primary objective now is to get things back to normal with her(you). Not just pretend or act or profess like things are back to how they were, but to actually and literally do it. THOSE days were the best because there were no attempts to impress(which I probably didn't), and just plain, dorky, unadulterated fun. Days riddled with random laughter, impersonations, venting, prayer, and encouragement. I was already buying you food, but that was just so that you could eat. Haha. And I didn't(and still don't) mind. But if there's one thing I want you to understand about me and my feelings that have grown for you in the past month: Everything I've said, that I've done for you was done with the utmost sincerity and genuineness. Please please please try to understand what goes on inside this obscure head/heart of mine. There are real, true feelings involved. Not anything shallow or superficial. I've come to realize that you aren't just another girl, but someone amazingly unique and incredible; someone I never tire having conversations with or smiling with. This is all new to me; the feelings. Every circumstance is so different regarding who I am maturing to be as well as the one-dimensional things I used to chase after. So I guess there's a battle between two parts of me: there's that part of me that just wants to go back in time to when we were comfortable, but there is this other part, an overwhelming part that just can't give up pursuing you and praying for you and wondering why we can't be comfortable either way. This is day one of the "getting over her" process.

And actually, now that I think about it, we'd make great friends. Hope you have an awesome and blessed day. :)

perspective & 8 pages of beautiful writing

My insides, my guts, hurt. And there's this weird feeling in my chest, but not like some O.A. "oh my heart" type of way; like butterflies in there instead of my stomach. I don't even want to describe my eyes. There just isn't a proper adjective. Somewhere along the lines of or synonymous with devastated. But nicer sounding(?) Funny how I've always tactfully chosen never to say words like heart, or love, I guess because I felt they were too strong of words. As well as incredibly cliche. Not that I've never felt like using such words, mind you. This is fragmented. Broken. Like each finger has a mind of it's own. And each mind, chaotic.

Yet, what I've learned tonight at Bible study stays in my head as well as more importantly my heart, and I can't help but feel comforted. I thought I'd be compelled to listen to some fairly heart-wrenching, bask-in-your-sadness whine-laden song, but there's this unspeakable impulse; a kind of urge telling me: Play Chris Tomlin's "Arriving" album. With its first track of course, being "Indescribable." God is so powerful, so good, and yet, He loves ME enough personally that there is no pain, there is no worry, there is no anything that He can't and won't help me get through. There aren't any words I could say or services I could offer to thank Him for His unfailing love and faithfulness.

But God, am I trying. I know in my heart You deserve an infinite amount of what I could even worthily give. And still, what is that.

take the time to realize

So everybody and their momma is singing that Colbie Caillat song lately, but with every voice intended for somebody else. Okay, I hope not everyones mother, but you know what I mean. Haha. Well, maybe single mothers? Ahh I'll shut up about that now.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll always be "the boy who just isn't enough" to "the girl who thinks she knows exactly what she wants". I feel my heart may be cruisin' for a bruisin' but for some reason, I think it might be worth the fight. And honestly, that's a first. But the fact that I even have a real new interest is a first. Real, as in someone whose qualities I should've been pursuing in the first place as opposed to some random, shallow little crush or whatever, you know? Anyway, here's me wishin' on meteor showers (at 12am tomorrow) that it won't conclude with any form of hurt to or by either party. You deserve more. And I'll genuinely try to treat you how you should be treated if you'll let me. Maybe its too soon for a blog like this, but these are feelings that have been aching to come out; and besides, you all know that timing's never been my forte.

Overall though, throughout any trials and any testings, Gods been blessing me with this sense of overwhelming happiness, joy; and I can't help but smile and give Him praise. Oh, and I finally finished Ecclesiastes this afternoon. Awesome awesome awesome book. Now it's time to apply what I've learned, and I'm sure that it'll rip me (my perspectives, my heart) apart, while at the same time really strengthen my walk with God and place my primary objectives and trust in Him. At least that's the prayer. :)

My iPod's on shuffle and Death Cab's "I will follow you into the dark" just came on; though some people find it somewhat morbid, I think it is one of the most romantic and meaningful songs I've ever heard. But maybe that's just me.

long live life

So a few days ago, I had an idea of what I wanted to blog about; Something cynical, pessimistic, sarcastic, and intended. Pertaining to certain situations and the way I felt about said situations. But to be perfectly honest, despite everything that goes on (or is going on), my life is blessed. There are many people who've made an impact lately, but there are a select few these few months that have made living amazing: Adrian, Marv, Krys, Steph, Rach. That said, God's just... Everything. Ahhh whatever; eloquence is overrated. Happpppyy.

slumber parties & college grads

reasons I love Rachel De Jesus

20. Her lactose intolerance. It’s the best. 19. John Mayer, Incubus, Damien Rice, Thrice, Coheed and Cambria, Fall Out Boy, Underoath, Jimmy Eat World, Brand New, and countless others. There will never be an individual who can sing every lyric to every song with me when I play various and random musical artists in my car the way she does. 18. Kevin Malone, Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Go die. 17. She loves Brandon Boyd almost as much as I do. 16. Harry f’n Potter. 15. Thrift-shopping skills. 14. The PLAN. 13. How she uses “big” words, not to sound intelligent or intellectual, but because she is. 12. The way she takes pictures; not of just anything (though it may seem like it), but her eye for the little and simpler, yet beautiful things amazes me. Even more so when I see the same appreciation in other aspects of her life. 11. How she smiles that smug little smile and takes pride in thinking she knows me so well. 10. How she freakin’ knows me so well. Argh. 09. The mocking laugh that comes from her mouth and weird face she makes when I tease or ridicule her and she doesn’t have a clever or sarcastic retort to shoot back at me as quickly as she’d like. 08. How she sings in front of me, and almost no one else. 07. The constant footprints on my windshield. And that people notice them and are totally grossed/freaked out. Gahaha. 06. The way she apologizes after reciting certain lines of certain songs. Ahem. And if you don’t know, now you know. 05. Annual beach dates. Island Ave, tower 6. Dressing up, Taco bell, endless picture taking, and amazing conversation. 04. The way she looks at me when her mother and I have long conversations. Or when I tell her I love her mother. It’s priceless. 03. Her incredibly genuine hugs and sincere smiles. I think that that’s a funny adjective to use for hugs, but it seems so appropriate. I literally feel… loved. It’s a good feeling. 02. She knows all my passwords to everything on my computer, so I am sort of HAVE to love her. 01. Everything about her person; her being. And the fact that this started out as a 10-item list. As well as the fact that I can think of so many more reasons. <3

girls rule, boys drool

Yeah they do. And yeah I do.
"We don't want to see you get hurt."
And in the timeless words of Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything:

"I WANT to get hurt!"

fistfights of sorts

Perplexing optimism as of late and sometimes I can't wrap my head around it all. Like maybe I shouldn't be because sometimes there is "so much" to be pessimistic about. Like maybe I'm in denial. But slowly (&quickly?) learning that happiness doesn't indicate inauthenticity. And breathing life in is alright. For once. I'm a 24 year old dreamer with attempts to prove that we aren't blessed with this life to inevitably waste it or give up. Like grass pushing it's way through the cracks of the sidewalk and I can't help but smile. Life lately is feeling kind of like the beginning of a Dr. Seuss book, all crazy and fun and unpredictable but

Sometimes all you really ever want is some kind of affection. You want someone to reach out to hold your hand for once, to wrap their arms around you when you don't expect it. It would just feel nice to feel love(d).

So yeah, I dunno. Life.

handwiches

Went into a bathroom that had green apple-scented soap today. It smelled so good it made me want to eat my hands. I was reminded of the smell of Rachel's raspberry lotion and how I wanted to eat her hands. At least I think it was raspberry. Maybe it was some other delicious berry; or a mixture of. Anyway, hands. Yum.

cesar chavez

So there was a bbq at Lexie's today. Met some cool new people. Invited some to Thursday night Bible study. Lots of food. And LOTS of talk towards the end of the night. Food was good. Talk wasn't as much. Tried to make it as edifying as possible, but to no avail. Hope there aren't any broken souls or discouraged hearts out there. Why can't we just be Godly people who don't talk about other people.

Maybe someday we'll get this fellowship thing right.

eunice is a homo

Hendrix: The waitress here looks like a supermodel
Hendrix: Even has the height
Eunice.: Ooohhhh
Eunice.: Take a picture!
Hendrix: Haha I think she's a fob
Eunice.: Wat?! Where u at?
Hendrix: Royal buffet
Eunice.: She's filipino?
Hendrix: Like chinese
Hendrix: Or some kind of asian
Eunice.: Ohhh
Eunice.: U don't like asian girls!! Wats wrong with you?!
Hendrix: I like hot girls
Eunice.: Ooohh me too
Hendrix: Duh. If they're hot, the nationality don't matter
Eunice.: Hahaha
Eunice.: True
Hendrix: You're gay.